Do you ever feel so alone that it literally consumes you? I do.
Throughout life you are faced with many obstacles- deaths, exams, heartbreaks, health scares, money issues. All of these are manageable through grieving, counselling, support, professionals and loved ones, but what if none of those are options? What if the only people that can help are not part of your life anymore? What do you do when you feel so lonely that the only comfort is your pain? Eventually the pain becomes, almost soothing. That’s when you know something is seriously wrong.
We all have, or have had that one person. That one person who makes things bearable, who gives you an incentive to keep going, and is the reason we are alive. How do we cope when that person is gone? We don’t. When that person is gone, we lay down and take the shit life throws at us, until we spiral into a pit of loneliness and sorrow. Only the strong ones can come back from that, but not me.
Truth is, I lost my person. In my life I have taken heartbreak after heartbreak, death after death, but nothing compared to that significant person walking out of my life, by choice. People lie. They tell you what you want to hear, but that only hurts more further down the line. My heart was broken. I was promised guidance and moral support, but the truth is he didn’t care enough. My heart was broken, my self worth destroyed. Not only did he break my heart, he ruined my self image, my self worth, my confidence. And the truth is, I still love him and I would still protect him from anything. What do you do when the only person you need to get you back on track is ruining you further?
He broke my heart, so I lay down and let life hit me with shit. One by one, the people I care about the most just left, got on with their lives. Although it seemed temporary, I couldn’t help feeling that I was no longer needed. And so it began, the downwards spiral of self loathing and feeling unwanted by everyone. This was what ultimately led me here. I’m lost, I’m alone and I’m heartbroken.
What do you do when you just can’t go on anymore?